


Regret

by F2of95line



Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Broken Taeyong/Yuta, M/M, Post-Break Up, Romance, Sad Ending, Slight Jaehyun/Yuta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 04:16:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14229024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/F2of95line/pseuds/F2of95line
Summary: Taeyong runs into his ex-boyfriend Yuta, after two years, and realizes the mistake he's made in breaking up with him.





	Regret

_“Taeyong-ah! Come on, let’s go!”_

_“Yukkuri, wait for me!”_

_“Haha, come on!”_

_“H- Hey, d- don’t just grab my hand like that, stupid!”_

_“Haha, let’s go, Tae-chan!”_

* * *

Lee Taeyong’s eyes slowly flutter open and he blinks, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He just dreamt of an ex-boyfriend and he frowns, unsure of why he thought of him.

He continues to lay in bed, gazing up at the ceiling as he muses. It’s been almost two years since he broke up with Nakamoto Yuta.

The only thing that really stays with him as a lasting memory is that he no longer uses a pillow; after Yuta insisted they sleep without pillows, he no longer feels comfortable with the headrest.

He turns to see his alarm clock… and jumps. He lets out a loud curse when he sees he’s running late, and runs to change his clothes.

-

“Hey… rough morning?”

Taeyong groans, rubbing his forehead. “Yeah… I need a coffee.”

“What you need is a drink!” his coworker, Youngho, says enthusiastically. “I’m having a party at my place after work, you should come!”

“Ugh, this sounds like a work dinner,” Taeyong raises an eyebrow. “I’m not really looking for-”

“Seriously, it’ll be fun,” Youngho insists. “It’s a great way to relax. Come over, I’ll set you up with someone.”

“I knew it, _I knew it_ ,” Taeyong grits his teeth. “Listen Youngho, I-”

“Come on, you’ve been single for too long!” Youngho whines. “I don’t know what your ex was like, but ever since you two broke up-”

“I like being single,” Taeyong interrupts quickly, silently hoping that’s enough to deter Youngho, but the Korean-American refuses to give up.

“There’ll be hot guys!” he says, and then happily exclaims in English. “Hot dudes galore!”

Taeyong inwardly groans, unsurprised that the Korean-American would say “Hot dudes galore” in that way.

“One drink,” he relents, and Youngho cheers so loudly, their supervisor comes over to find out why they aren’t inputting numbers.

Taeyong quickly gets to work, but silently hopes he doesn’t regret going later.

-

He regrets it. He's stunned with himself for even expecting he'd be happy at a place like this.

He sighs, holding his lukewarm beer and halfheartedly takes a sip. He checks his phone, half-hoping his boss calls him back to work for overtime or something, but the traitorous phone remains dark and silent.

“Taeyonggggggg!” Youngho whoops across the apartment, already drunk, and Taeyong manages a weak grin.

“Hey. Thanks for inviting me. So I’m just going to go-”

“Johnny!”

Someone interrupts Taeyong and the taller man’s head snaps towards the voice before his voice bellows out again.

“Ay, Jeffreyyyy!” Youngho waves enthusiastically and Taeyong groans as he makes eye contact with the guy named ‘Jeffrey’.

And then he chokes on his beer.

‘Jeffrey’ seems totally normal (and also very annoyed that Youngho called him that name), but it’s not him that makes Taeyong freeze.

It’s the man that’s next to him.

“Hey, you made it! And you brought Yuta! Taeyong, this is Jaehyun, aka Jeffrey, and his lovely wife-”

“Dude!” Jaehyun flushes.

“-Yuta! He’s from Japan, but his Korean is… is… uh…”

“Good,” Jaehyun supplies and Youngho beams, not a little tipsy.

“That’s the one!”

Yuta and Taeyong just stare at each other… until Yuta smiles ( _oh god, that smile_ ).

“Taeyong! We actually know each other,” Yuta says freely and Taeyong’s eyes widen in surprise along with Youngho’s and Jaehyun’s.

Taeyong’s eyes flicker down and flicker back up to see Jaehyun smiling at him politely, but they both also see Jaehyun’s arm slipping around Yuta’s waist and holding him closer.

“You know each other?!” Youngho slurs and Yuta shrugs.

“Sure did.”

Taeyong takes another swig of beer and tries to pretend he doesn’t see Youngho’s gaze snap to him and he silently begs the earth to swallow him up.

“H- How’ve you been?”

Taeyong tells himself it’s because he’s detail-oriented, he’s focused on the little things, which is why he notices that Yuta’s pierced the other ear now, he’s dyed his hair a lighter shade of brown than it was last year, the thin, single line of eyeliner is a different shade from the one he used back when they were dating…

“I’m good!” Yuta interrupts Taeyong’s train of thought. “I just got a new job.”

“Oh yeah? Are you still coaching soccer?” Taeyong doesn’t even realize how relaxed he’s gotten until he hears Youngho clearing his throat, and he snaps himself out of it, especially when he sees Yuta’s smile again.

“I actually teach dance now.”

“Oh, wow,” Taeyong curses himself for being unable to stop himself from raking his eyes down Yuta’s body. “You, uh, look good.”

“You too!” Yuta doesn’t even miss a beat and his grin turns cheeky. “Are you still punching the old calculator?”

“Y- Yeah. That’s how Youngho and I know each other.”

“Yu-chan, let’s go,” Jaehyun speaks up, tone still polite, but wary. “I’m thirsty.”

“Okay,” Yuta lightly smacks his boyfriend’s hip (Taeyong politely looks away, unable to stop the hot sizzle of jealousy, raw and heavy, in his stomach). “Let’s go.”

“Yuk- Yuta,” Taeyong speaks up, surprised his voice doesn’t tremble. “We should… If you ever have time, we could maybe… get coffee or something…”

“Yeah, for sure!” the Japanese man easily agrees, and Taeyong isn’t sure how to react when he sees the smile he saw in his dreams last night.

-

Later that night, Taeyong lays in bed and the solitude that he had embraced for two years suddenly sinks in.

The loneliness keeps him up all night, and he’s only able to fall asleep as he thinks of a beautiful smile that once beamed only for him.

* * *

_“Hello.”_

_College student Lee Taeyong looked up and blinked. “Oh, uh, hello.”_

_“Can I sit here?”_

_Taeyong took a few more seconds before realizing that the student wanted to sit next to him in the college lecture. He shrugged._

_“Yeah, go ahead.”_

_“Thanks!”_

_Yuta flopped down in the vacant seat and boredly pulled out his phone, scrawling through SNS as Taeyong finished his Japanese homework._

_Neither of them spoke to each other, not paying each other any mind, until Yuta absentmindedly peered over to the paper on the desk next to his… and blinked a few times._

_He paused, visibly uncomfortable, before sitting up straight. He pulled out his notebook and wrote a word_ _in big Chinese characters. He coughed several times, to which Taeyong turned his head slightly in confusion… and then stared._

_“What’s that for?”_

_“You… You might want to correct your answer,” Yuta wasn’t sure how to phrase it delicately, but pushed the notebook closer for Taeyong to see. Taeyong shrugged._

_“I’m pretty sure this is correct, though.”_

_“You added a radical too many. I… I assume you meant to write ‘to know’.”_

_“Yeah…?”_

_“You wrote ‘pervert’,” Yuta sincerely hoped that his cheeks didn’t feel as hot as it felt. “I just figured you wouldn’t want to submit your paper like this.”_

_“Oh… you’re Japanese!” Taeyong relaxed and fixed his answer. “Thanks.”_

_“No problem!”_

_“I’m Lee Taeyong, by the way.”_

_“Nakamoto Yuta. I came last year.”_

_“Oh nice. What are you majoring in?”_

_Before long, the two of them were chatting as if they were the best of friends._

_“Do you want to come over sometime? I have a bunch of Korean manga that I bet would help you get used to Korean,” Taeyong offered and Yuta smiled happily._

_“I’d love to!”_

* * *

Taeyong wakes up like a zombie and brushes his teeth. As he washes his face, he suddenly feels stupid for ever thinking that Yuta only affected his pillow.

The face wash he uses is there because Yuta left his face wash one night and Taeyong ended up using it. Being used to it, he just kept re-buying it and using it for the past two years without even realizing it was because of him.

Even the towel he uses… Taeyong used to use plain white towels, but Yuta had whined that they were “boring” and ended up bringing cute character towels and even after Taeyong broke up with him, he kept using the cute towels.

Taeyong feels stupid once again and he quietly leaves the bathroom, his sink dripping and echoing loudly in the empty bathroom.

* * *

_Taeyong yawned as he pleasantly woke up to the sunlight streaming in through the window. He lightly nuzzled the warm body next to him and was greeted with a similar yawn._

_“O- Ohayo,” Yuta greeted sleepily in Japanese and Taeyong could only smile back._

_“Good morning, Yukkuri.”_

_“Yukkuri?”_

_“It sounds cute. And you’re cute.”_

_Taeyong felt his cheeks flush at how awkward he was but Yuta only giggled._

_“Well you’re cute too, Tae-chan.”_

_Taeyong felt his cheeks grow hot, but the next thing Yuta said made him grow even more flustered._

_“Does this mean we’re dating now?”_

_Taeyong’s eyes widened. “U- Uh…”_

_“Listen, I don’t know if this was a fling for you or something, but… I really don’t just sleep with anybody,” Yuta avoided his gaze determinedly ('Cute,' Taeyong mused). “If it’s too fast for you, I can wait, but… I think it goes without saying that I really like you.”_

_“…okay,” Taeyong said quietly, and before Yuta could continue, the Korean man suddenly put his hand against Yuta’s naked back and brought him closer to himself. Yuta gasped as he felt heated kisses behind his ear._

_“W- Wait-!” Yuta pressed his hands against Taeyong’s collarbone. “I-!”_

_“It’s okay,” Taeyong whispered softly. “I’m not going to do anything. I just want to feel you against me.”_

_Yuta flushed red as he welcomed the rush of emotion and pressed his body against the thin blanket separating him and Taeyong._

* * *

“Hey, Taeyong…”

Taeyong looks up to see Youngho awkwardly fidgeting and he takes a bite out of his lunchbox.

“What’s up, Youngho?”

“…it was him, wasn’t it?”

Taeyong peers at his eggs. He cooked them to be over easy this morning, but for some reason, their texture tastes more like scrambled right now.

“Taeyong.”

Taeyong frowns as he takes another bite of eggs. Yes, the eggs are _definitely_ overcooked.

“It was Yuta, wasn’t it? The one you used to date.”

These. Damn. EGGS.

“Dude, I’m sorry,” Youngho apologizes, tall frame fidgeting awkwardly. “I… I didn’t realize. I didn’t know.”

“Did Jaehyun tell you?” Taeyong finally acknowledges and Youngho can’t even stop the look of pity in his eyes.

“No, he didn’t. I just… I saw the way you looked at him, and…”

The eggs are important again and Taeyong purposely makes it a point to ignore Youngho and his blustering apologies.

The American finally gets the hint and leaves, leaving the Korean businessman to continue eating his packed lunch.

He winces when he bites down and crunches down on an egg shell. He picks it out and when he gazes at the small cracked piece of white, he suddenly gets another memory flash.

* * *

_“It’s… It’s good!” Taeyong choked. Yuta pouted._

_“You look like it doesn’t taste good.”_

_“No, it does!” Taeyong insisted as he gulped down water. Yuta sighed._

_“I can’t even make fried eggs…”_

_“At least they looked beautiful!”_

_“What good is that? I’m trying to be a good future-husband for you!”_

_Taeyong choked again, this time on absolutely nothing other than his pounding heart._

* * *

Taeyong continues eating and he knows it’s stupid, but he suddenly wishes he could eat fried eggs and he tells himself it’s because he just overcooked his own eggs, not because he misses Nakamoto Yuta.

-

Taeyong is at the grocery store later, and he wants to believe that fate isn’t that horrible to him.

It is.

“Oh! Taeyong!”

Taeyong turns and feels his heart pound, a way that he hasn’t felt in a very long time.

“Um… hi, Yuta,” he smiles awkwardly. “How… How are you?”

“Good!” Yuta smiles cheerfully. “Fancy running into you here!”

“Y- Yeah, same.”

“Well, I’ll see you-”

“Do you… Are you free tomorrow?” Taeyong blurts out and Yuta pauses.

“Oh, um…”

“Just… you promised me a coffee, remember?” Taeyong hopes he looks casual, and Yuta visibly relaxes.

“Oh, yeah! Well, I’m only free in the morning, so we can meet then?”

“Sounds good!” Taeyong’s sure his voice squeaks, but he’s too excited to care and when he sees Yuta’s sunny smile again, he feels his bravery come back... until Jaehyun comes behind Yuta.

"Come on, let's... oh, Taeyong-sshi!" Jaehyun bows, and Taeyong likes to think he's a reasonable, even-tempered man, which is why he's surprised he has actually has to resist the urge to break Jaehyun's nose when the handsome Korean man once again slips an arm around Yuta's waist.

But it's what Yuta says that really drives the nail into his heart.

"Ready to go, Jae-chan?"

On his way home, Taeyong realizes he doesn’t even remember why he broke up with Yuta in the first place.

* * *

_“Taeyong… Taeyong-ah…”_

_Taeyong sat inside his apartment, blankly sitting at his dining room table._

_“Taeyong, you can’t just… please, let me know what I did wrong, at least. Please, Tae-chan…”_

_“I’m tired,” Taeyong finally spoke up from inside, communicating through the door. “I’m sorry, Yukku- Yuta. But I really think we just won’t work.”_

_“You can’t just break up with someone with a reason like that!” Yuta cried from outside. “Please, open the door. Please, Tae-chan. If I just hold you, I’m sure it’ll-”_

_“I just wanted to sleep with you.”_

_Yuta fell silent at that, and Taeyong knew it was cruel, but he couldn't stop himself._

_“When we first slept together, I… I didn’t intend on continuing it. I was just… I was just attracted to your body.”_

_“So you... you just thought of me as some friend with benefits? After all this time...?” Yuta’s voice cracked. He was so hurt, so, **so**  hurt, but Taeyong continued._

_“You told me the next day, you didn’t care what I thought, you were going to pursue me, so I… I felt kind of tricked into a relationship.”_

_Taeyong wasn’t sure where he was pulling this – this was a lie. He hadn’t intended on only on having a physical relationship with Yuta, but recently…_

_He and Yuta had been together for two years and some months, and before, while he would feel his heart flutter when he was with Yuta, now it was exhausting, trying to still be attracted to all of Yuta’s bad qualities._

_More than anything, Taeyong was afraid – what if there was someone out there that was the perfect match for Taeyong? And he would miss it if he stayed with Yuta._

_Yuta, who couldn’t cook to save his life._

_Yuta, who still couldn’t even say the word ‘Korean’ with the proper pronunciation._

_Yuta, who was overall, one of the clumsiest people Taeyong had ever met._

_“We’re over, Yuta,” Taeyong said clearly through the door. “Go home.”_

_And he told himself he would get over it when his heart clenched at hearing Yuta weeping brokenheartedly outside his door._

* * *

Taeyong goes to bed that night and the last thing he thinks before he loses consciousness is how much he wishes he was going to wake up to bad eggs, someone to teach Korean to, and someone to pick up whenever that person fell down.

-

Taeyong gets to the coffee shop early the next morning, and gnaws on his lower lip. He’s wearing a button-up shirt that Yuta bought for him (it squeezes a little bit) and jeans that he used to wear (Yuta used to joke he couldn’t keep his hands off of him whenever Taeyong wore them).

He absentmindedly stirs his iced latte, before he feels someone approach, and he looks up.

He feels his heart pound when he sees Yuta casually sliding into the chair across from him, smiling that infectious, lovely smile.

Taeyong feels his heart pound when he sees him; has Yuta always looked this good? His hair is windswept, his eyes sparkle like a puppy’s, and his lips look kissab-

_Shut up._

Taeyong hisses this to himself internally before taking a quick sip of latte to calm himself down.

“Sorry, did you wait long?" Yuta apologizes breathlessly ( _Stop, you're too beautiful_ ). "I’m just going to get a coff-”

“Iced Americano for Yudda!”

Yuta blinks and Taeyong flushes.

“I, uh, I got a drink for you, but I guess they-”

“Thanks,” Yuta just laughs, eyes crinkling as he goes to pick up his misnamed beverage. He brings it back, taking a deep sip and Taeyong can only look at him.

“So-”

“So when did you and Jaehyun-sshi meet?” Taeyong blurts out. Yuta starts but smiles lightly.

“We actually met at a bar.”

“At a bar? You were never a heavy drinker.”

Yuta smiles again, but this time his smile is awkward. “I… I started after we… you know. Broke up.”

If Taeyong felt awkward, he feels downright horrible now. “O- Oh.”

“But Jaehyun was there and he made me laugh, which I didn’t even think was possible,” he chuckles as he sips his Americano. “And here we are now…”

“…here we are now,” Taeyong repeats lifelessly, unsure of what to say. The two of them quickly move on to other random topics like Taeyong’s latest cooking experiments and the type of music Yuta listens to now.

It’s casual and friendly and it makes Taeyong’s heart hurt because nothing feels different. It’s like other than that gap of two years, the two of them are meeting up and on a date and Taeyong can feel his heart melt when he sees Yuta cutely scratch his nose.

_God, what’s wrong with you? He’s doing something so normal, and you can’t stop acting so desperate for him._

After a few hours, Yuta checks his watch and his eyes widen.

“Oh, shoot, I have to get going. Sorry, we’re going to have to catch up more some other time.”

“Oh. Oh, yeah, of course, let’s go.”

The two of them walk out of the café, and awkwardly stand around in front, until finally, Yuta just smiles and waves, and begins to walk towards the subway. Taeyong only hesitates for a second before following Yuta, feeling slightly left behind.

“W- Where are you going?”

Yuta pauses as he throws away his empty plastic cup, looking visibly uncomfortable. “I’m actually going to… go for a consultation.”

“Consultation?” Taeyong repeats dumbly, feeling his heart pound. Is Yuta in danger? Is he physically unwell? Is he-?

“…I’m going to a…” Yuta pauses. “…to a wedding planning consultation.”

“…”

“I’m getting married,” Yuta clarifies. “Jaehyun actually proposed to me a few months ago, and now that we’re financially stable, we’re getting ready to-”

“Don’t do it.”

Yuta doesn’t stop walking but Taeyong can hear the sharp intake of breath. He persists, following the love of his life.

“Don’t… marry him,” Taeyong manages to say, and Yuta finally stops. They stand in the middle of the empty sidewalk, in front of the park next to the café, and Yuta finally turns around to him. Taeyong’s breath catches.

Yuta’s eyes are wide and sparkling and this time the smile is gone from them. Taeyong doesn’t remember feeling regret this strong ever; all he knows is that he wants Nakamoto Yuta back in his life.

Lee Taeyong went from a colorful life to a stable one and it sinks in to him that the colorful life was only there because Yuta convinced him to live.

He wants to live again.

“Taeyon-”

“I still love you.”

Yuta stays silent, unresponsive to the declaration.

For some reason, Taeyong’s eyes burn when he gives his confession. “I… Yukkuri, please…”

The name slips off his tongue in the most comforting way and he slightly raises his hand, making Yuta flinch. The Japanese man finally speaks up.

“You told me you didn’t,” Yuta’s voice trembles, but his gaze doesn’t waver as he makes sharp eye contact with his ex-boyfriend. “I’m not going to sleep with you again, Taeyong.”

“No…!” the word is torn out of his throat and he feels the bottom of his stomach give out. “That’s… That’s not what I want. It was never what I wanted.”

“You broke up with me and said all you wanted was someone to fuck,” Yuta says bluntly, voice not accusing, but hard.

“No, please, I was wrong, it was never that,” Taeyong feels so low, but he’s unable to stop his hand from reaching out.

"You broke my heart," Yuta continues, eyes blown with confusion and reopened scars as he takes a step back, leaving Taeyong's hand to pathetically drop. "I mean, you caught me completely off-guard, Taeyong. I could tell you were exasperated with me a lot, but it was... it was too... I didn't realize it was worth breaking up a 2-year relationship for."

"It wasn't," Taeyong agrees. "I was stupid, so  **dumb** , to think breaking up with you was a good idea."

"So why did you do it?" Yuta's question is so sad, so curious, Taeyong really wishes he could go back in his past to throttle himself. How could he think hurting someone so precious to himself was a good idea?

"I... I was a coward," Taeyong confesses, voice trembling. "I couldn't see a future with you, but now I see... I couldn't see it because I was too caught up in what I wanted that I didn't... I didn't realize losing you was the worst possible thing that could happen."

"So you dumped me because you wanted to live your perfect life with kids and a dog and a lawn," Yuta scoffs. "I should've known."

"I was  _wrong_ , Yukkuri," Taeyong emphasizes. "I can't... I can't do this without you. Yuta, ple-"

Yuta swiftly holds up a hand and cuts the Korean man off. His disgusted expression is no longer there, and is now replaced with something akin to resignation.

“I’m marrying Jaehyun, Taeyong,” Yuta’s voice grows soft. “He was there to comfort me and stop me from crying when I thought you only wanted me for my body.”

“I lied. I swear that was never how I felt,” Taeyong beseeches. “I was just confused about what I wanted so I… I said stupid things that were never true. Please, Yuta, please, I can’t… I don’t think I can make it without you.”

Taeyong never thought he would ever prostrate himself like this before anyone, ever, but he can’t bring himself to hold on to his pride anymore.

He doesn’t think he’s ever felt regret this hard before, but he can acknowledge it now, how much he needs Yuta, how much he craves Nakamoto Yuta’s presence in his life like air.

“Taeyong, I… if this was two years ago, I would’ve said yes, I really would have, but… I love someone else now. Please… don’t ruin this for me.”

“You can’t have moved on this quickly,” Taeyong insists, voice cracking. “Even after two years, you can’t tell me I feel this strongly about you and that you don’t feel the same way. Yuta…”

He finally takes the leap and embraces the smaller man. Yuta doesn’t struggle, but Taeyong can feel him stiffen in his arms.

“Please…” Taeyong whispers, unable to stop the tremor in his tone. “Please… come back to me.”

“…I have to go,” Yuta says hoarsely. “Goodbye, Taeyong.”

And with that, he silently turns and walks away from him.

-

Lee Taeyong lays in bed that night and gazes up at the ceiling.

He thinks back to the silly things Yuta used to do to make him smile, and he’s unable to stop a single, lonely chuckle from echoing in his room. Soon, his laughing grows louder and he just lays in his bed, laughing to himself, as something that can’t possibly be tears roll down his cheeks.

**Author's Note:**

> Message me with any ideas on [Twitter](https://www.twitter.com/tapeu_127)!


End file.
